The Law of Change

The Law of Change: History repeats itself unless we learn the lessons we need to learn. 

How many times have you repeated a past behavior knowing full well that it might end badly? More times than you care to remember, I am sure. There are so many things that I could write about that I have done, that I knew deep down that I should not have. Live and learn and boy did I ever learn my lesson.  I am still learning daily from these mistakes and have become a better person because my motto has become, ”one burned, twice smart.”  Move on Elizabeth and know that life gets better and better (it has).

However, some people are sometimes just so insensitive today when speaking to the over 55 female demographic. This month I will comment on the ageism that I see in the workplace and in many facets of our society. Formerly called age discrimination, this phenomenon seems to be everywhere. From the comments about women over 45 being “all washed up” to the frequent “maybe you should retire”, we, the over 55 women, live with this every day. Some days I just ignore these kinds of comments but mostly it just pisses me off.

So how does a feisty lady handle these totally inappropriate, ageist, deplorable comments? What can a middle-aged woman do to thwart these comments?

My suggestions are listed below and are based on what we women have learned from our life experiences. We have learned our lessons and are not taking crap from anyone, anymore.

1. Pretend that you did not hear the comment. This might work once but when you hear the comments for say, 2 or 3 times, you need to speak up. One friend was repeatedly asked about her retirement plans (which is technically illegal). She replied that she was in the job for the long term, with special plans for work that would last for at least five years. “Then ask me about retirement”, she said. The boss dropped the subject completely when she later did remind him about her employment plans and the law.
2. Stay fit and healthy. Regular exercise and healthy eating will help you feel great, no matter whatever your chronological age happens to be.  I am just as flexible as the younger set in yoga class, can walk just as fast as the younger set, and can curse just as fluently as the younger set. Who could ask for more?
3. Dress stylishly. I have the income to afford great clothing, shoes, and purses that enable me to look my finest. I never ever wear those wild looking leggings, though, which are just too weird for me. And I avoid having anything hanging out that would be best hidden. I look my best everyday and never ever look like I have a hangover.
4. Challenge the younger set to a dance contest. No one really dances anymore; they mostly just sort of jump up and down on the dance floor. A friend of mine was out dancing with her gal pals a few weekends ago and met up with some younger gals who were making snide comments about their dancing. Being a former nationally ranked Irish dancer, my friend challenged one of the gals to a “dance off”. Age won the battle and the younger women left the dance floor in shame.
5. Take advantage of all of the over 55 discounts that you can get and let the younger set pay full price. I am never without my AARP, AAA, or store cards and coupons and am proud to save a bundle wherever and when ever I can. More money for me and less money for them. Being frugal is always cool.   
6. Let experience be your guide. You have lots of life experiences that the younger set does not want to hear about so just shut up and say nothing. When they ask you why you did not offer any advice just remind them that they would not have listened anyway. Let them suffer.
7. Let your conscience be your guide and just do the right thing. Trust your gut and follow it religiously.  Let no one talk you into anything that you might later regret. With age comes wisdom. Be wise and confident in all you do. Nothing unnerves some of these people more than when you are a poised, smart, sassy, feisty woman. Be yourself and rock out.

So my feisty friends, I hope that my strategies give you some great suggestions for surviving and thriving in the ageism of our present times. Know when to respond, know when to smile, and be proud of your age.

Celebrate the over 55 women. We should be running the world very soon.

The Law of Here and Now

The Law of Here and Now: Be totally in the Here and Now. Do not focus on the past; let it go. Do not focus on the future; be in the here and now. The future will create itself if you just let it. 

Most people may think that this law has to do with relationships and letting go of the past, moving into the future, and being ready for anything great to come your way.  I already moved on, feisty ladies, and so the law spoke to me in a different way.

Many of us live our lives in the past (summer vacation time) or dream of the future (back to work time or its time to retire time) but often forget about the here and now, the present.

Karma tells us that you should focus on the here and now. I found that it is best to do this when driving every day, as the highways become more and more congested or doomed by the roadwork that never seems to end.

As many people return to work and children return to school, I notice the traffic picking up on the country roads and the main roads in my area. It seems that summer vacation is a really distant memory judging from the intense–filled driving of the teenagers and adults, many who drove a teeny bit slower in the summer. The drivers now are pressing forward, speeding down the road, to get somewhere as fast as they can. One bumper sticker really reminded me, though, that I always needed to be in the here and now in my driving: “pass me now, see you later. You are passing an ER nurse.” Sarcastic but true, I think. Stay focused on your driving or you cold meet this nurse sooner than you might like.

That bumper sticker really encouraged me to slow down and to pay total attention right now to the crazy drivers around me who think that the road numbers are often the speed limit. Route 99, 287, 87, 78, to name a few, are road numbers not speed limits. Follow the speed limit people and remember that driving in the right lane is not a crime either. You have to be in the here and now, law #9, to survive driving on the roads today. I am always an early to arrive driver, yet still manage to encounter these bobbing, weaving, tailgating drivers nearly every morning. 

The only thing that slows down these crazy drivers is the chance to gawk at an accident, a road assistance vehicle, or nearing their exit. I wonder if they would ever stop to help anyone in need but I doubt it. Certain states seem to bring out the worst in the driving of people who live there. You can feel it and experience it first hand as you travel from one state to another. Is it the attitude of the governors who set the tone or is it the leadership in our country? You can answer that one on your own.

So, stay alive when you drive by observing law # 9, staying in the here and now and keep focused on your driving. Your life and that of your passengers depends on it. Stay safe, my feisty friends and pay attention when you are driving. Look for me in the granny lane.

The Law of Giving and Hospitality

The Law of Giving and Hospitality: Give without expecting to get anything in return. The universe must be allowed to fulfill your desires in the way it sees fit. 

"The Feisty Woman and the Splashers"

I have had a great summer at the swimming pool playing #1 Auntie. I purchased our swimming pass with the hopes that we could all have a great summer at the pool. We have been swimming, diving, splashing, and of course, eating all summer long, often seven days a week. We spent many afternoons just enjoying ourselves in the cool, chlorinated waters; my sidekicks managed to learned a couple of swim strokes, to swim without noodles in the deep end, and to jump rather cleverly from the low diving board. We all had a generally great time, as the pool time now winds down for the summer. We certainly used our pool pass to the max and all of the nieces and nephews have been really happy. Their smiles were well worth the price of the ticket.

We, however, did have an issue with the splashers. Why any teenager needs to be splashing in the shallow section of the pool is beyond me. There were so many little kids swimming and enjoying themselves until the splashers arrived. The pool is fairly large and there is really no need for anyone except the little ones and their Moms, Aunties (including me), and Grandmothers to be in the shallow section. But sure as clockwork, the splashers descended on the shallow end every day around 3PM. 

No matter how often the Moms, Aunties (including me), and Grandmothers asked the splashers to leave, they still returned. We all decided that it was time to go forward with our complaints to the pool managers. The co-managers spoke to the guilty parties and things settled down for a week or two. Soon the splashers were back and the Moms, Aunties (including me), and Grandmothers went to the next level, the recreation board with their complaints. The splashers were given one final warning and things were again fine for a week or two. 

The final straw for the Moms, Aunties (including me), and Grandmothers occurred on a steamy hot afternoon when the splashers were playing a game of extreme tag and nearly trampled two four year olds. The three lead splashers were kicked out for a week and the pool was a safer place without them. The behavior of the splashers even became an issue for the town council, as more and more people were complaining about the behavior of the splashers at the pool. Fortunately, the splashers have for the most part left the pool but are now terrorizing the little kids as they ride their scooters in the park adjacent to the pool. The police have been called and the splashers have largely been A.W.O.L.; thank goodness for that.

All the Moms, Aunties (including me), and Grandmothers learned a valuable lesson about speaking up and shared it with their children: speak up when things are not as they should be or could cause you bodily harm.  Tell a responsible adult. If you do not tell anyone about a problem, they will not know. Be proactive in being your own advocate or rather….tell someone abut your problem so that they can help you fix it.

And how does this all fit in with the 8th law of Karma? Give without expecting to get anything in return. The universe must be allowed to fulfill your desires in the way it sees fit. 

Just when you wonder if things really can get better, they actually do get better. You speak up for change and things do improve. The second part of the law talks about the universe fulfilling your desires in a way that it sees fit. Expelling the splashers from the pool has been working; none have been at the pool or misbehaving at all and we have been all happy with this. The little ones are able to swim without fears. We all really expected not much to be done but were presently surprised that things have improved at the pool. We could all not be happier.

So feisty ladies, state your problem by giving it to the universe. Expect to sometimesget results in returnthat you might not expect but always prepare for surprises all of the time. Our surprise was the splashers leaving the pool, a great solution to our problem. The universe constantly amazes me. It drives the bus and really did take care of the splashers and improved the swimming for the little ones and the Moms, Aunties (including me), and the Grandmothers.

No only if all of my problems could be taken care of so easily. Guess that I have to put my needs out there and hope for more surprises. That winning lottery ticket would be really nice. I will let you know.

The Law of Focus

So how are my New Year’s resolutions going? Really well, I think.

I had decided, as you know, to follow the 12 laws (one for each month of the year) of karma, in my own words and in my own way. Here is my progress in the seventh month of my 12-step plan.

The Law of Focus: You cannot think of two things at the same time. Do one thing really well. Focus! No multitasking…… ever! (I really need to work on this one)

I am generally the “go to” person at work when things need to be done. I complete the task and am able to take on any new responsibilities thrown my way without missing a step. I have been repeatedly praised for my multi-tasking abilities. I hear the words “ask Elizabeth” a lot, but I must admit that sometimes I want someone else to their fair share and not ask me to do what they could do. Step up you lazy bones.

I also have been reading about the pluses and minuses of multitasking and I am wondering if this is the most effective means of action for me. Multiple studies have said that multi-tasking results in neither task being completed in an optimum manner. “Do one thing, do it well, and then move on to the next task” is now the suggestion for the multi-taskers of the world, according to these studies. As I reflect on these words, I must admit, grudgingly, that I find this to be totally true. I believe that if you have too many tasks on your plate you will suffer from overworking, an increased level of stress hormones, a genuine lack of getting enough rest, and no time for yourself. I have learned to say “NO” and I am not at all fussed about doing this, although it did take me some time to get to this point. It is actually makes me feel happy as I force others to step up and do their fair share. Sometimes you have to step back so others can step up. And yes, I am still working on this, too.

I am happy with my new attitude about multi-tasking. It has given me the time to write more blogs, to add more chapters to book two, and to do things for myself. Wow. What a novel concept. Bad pun I admit but it really seemed to fit.

So feisty ladies, do one thing less and invest that time in ding things for yourself. You deserve it. You need it. You will be happier. I am.

New Year's Resolution Update #6

The Law of Connection: The first and last steps are needed to accomplish any given task. Respect the journey and respect the whole process of doing anything. All the steps you take are important. They are all valuable. Enjoy the journey.

We are already nearly halfway through 2017, feisty ladies.  The month of June brings me to the Law of Connection. This law of connection is really a tough one for me, people who know me say. I generally want to decide the task, plan the task, and complete the task. Some friends say that I often forget to enjoy the process and all of the steps along the way. I am too goal oriented, I guess. And I must also be lacking in respect because I apparently have no appreciation for the process, they also say. Oh brother. Anyone else hear this from the friends? I don’t agree at all. I do enjoy completing tasks and will enjoy the process when I look back on the completed task. That is how I work best so my friends will just have to live with this. Go Elizabeth!

There are so many things that I want to do that I honestly sometimes forget to take the time to reflect upon the steps of the task at hand except for my writing, of course. I feel writing has really helped me connect my past (oh God), the present (going well), and my (ever hopeful) future as I work on my Feisty Lady series of books. Writing is a step-by-step process with no shortcuts, only re-edits. I know that I have to go slowly to get all of the details right, to have one story flow into the next story, and to always have an ending that offers advice, no matter how good or bad it really is. Maybe this is how I best succeed in living the Law of Connection. And maybe I should just keep on doing what I do best: writing my funny, quirky stories of all those women who have survived their very own Mr. Wonderful and kept their sense of humor to live a better life without him.

So ladies, my advice to you is to do you own thing, in your own way, in your own time. Take the steps that work for you. Choose to reflect or not reflect. Enjoy your life. Live the Law of Connection in your own way. Respect yourself and be happy doing whatever offers you the connection that you need. Be happy. I am.

New Year's Resolution Update #5

The Law of Responsibility: Take responsibility for what is your life. 

Be active in your life; do not be a passenger. Change it as you need to… rightnow. Change can be difficult but some things in life are not easy, right?

As the month of May ends and June begins, I have been thinking about all of the folks in our world who never take responsibility for their lives, what is wrong in their lives, and what they are doing to mess up the lives of others. It is always “someone else’s fault”; “it is not true”; “it was not me who did this”. I could go on but you get the point. Blamers are all around us not just in voices of children but in the voices of plenty adults, too.  I am sure that you could name ten “blamers” easily.

So how does one cope with these “blameless folks”? (We even elected one of these deniers president). We keep on fighting back . We join the resistance, we write postcards, we make calls, we march. If you do not speak up, no one will ever know what you think or that you agree or disagree. I call and write weekly to advocate for the public schools, the elderly, and those on disability. Change is not easy but I am ready to do my best to change things for the better. Make your voice heard. What you say and do does matter.

The next three years will be rough but who ever said that life was easy, feisty ladies. Hang on to those pink hats; we all need them.  Take responsibility to help the poor, elderly, and the incarcerated. They all are counting on us more than ever

The Feisty Woman and the Bathing Suit Debacle

Well, it is that time of year that all feisty women that I know dread: the time to buy a new bathing suit. I can just hear the groans, see the eye rolling, and imagine the collective sighs of many of my feisty friends. We all dread the hunt for a bathing suit.

I started thinking about this early this year, in May. No matter how “good” I had been about my eating habits, I seemed to steadily gain weight around my middle section. I have tried many strategies to avoid weight gain and some are listed below. 

• I tried keeping a food journal, which really was a big waste of time and paper. I wrote down everything that I had eaten (no junk food) and I still gained weight. I did not write down all that I had eaten (with junk food) and I lost weight.  This makes no sense to me at all so I will go with eating what I want when I want with no food journal anywhere in sight. Good strategy, I think.
• I also thought about increasing my exercise time. I already got out of bed at 5:15 am and biked like crazy in the wee hours of the morning. That was an early enough wake up time for me, so this would not work at all. The early morning hours was the time that I had read was the best time to lose weight so I did this faithfully every morning. This did not work in achieving any weight loss for me either but did put me in a good mood to start my workday. Bad weight loss strategy, but good strategy as I raised my endorphin morning level. I always smiled as I went to work, so that was worth something.
• I decided to skip an occasional meal. Sometimes I was just not hungry so I did not eat at all. This was a bad move. I will unfortunately get hungry at about 3am and then lookout. I ate everything that I could find anywhere so I have abandoned this idea. I now have ice cream for dinner at least one a week and I never skip that meal. This strategy seems to work.
• I also tried to stand up straight and tall and suck it in. Even after trying these strategies, my abdomen area seemed to get bigger. I once had a yoga teacher who advocated taking big deep breaths. He looked like he was holding his big breath and had the biggest belly that I have ever seen…along with some of the weirdest yoga poses that I had ever seen as well. Standing up straight will not hurt but forget the big belly breaths.

So you can imagine that I sort of gave up this whole weight loss thing but with coupons in hand, entered the department store seeking a new suit because my last one lost its stretch because of the chlorine. It just sagged like I do in certain places and looked really awful. Hope springs eternal in the feisty woman seeking a bathing suit.

I wanted to find a snazzy, trendy new bathing suit, so I started out with the one-piece/tank suits. They are called tank suits for their one piece design I thought but in my case the word tank fits to a “t” and because they truly did emphasize the “tank” like area of my physique. My belly area looked enormous. The bigger the size, the bigger my stomach looked. I looked horrible in these suits. I looked like a tank in the tank suit and quickly returned those suits to the rack.

And for the suits with the “slim” feature, forget it. Those that I tried on seemed to be “missing” the slim feature. My stomach would not be slimmed down no matter what. 

I wonder who really wears these suits. These suits had so many ruffles, layers of fabric, and stretch in them all in the wrong places for me. The legs were also cut so high in some of these suits that I felt that I would need a bikini wax just to wear the suit. I quickly returned these suits to the rack, too.

So I moved on to the two-piece suits. The tops and the bottoms were a separate purchase so naturally I found a top that fit and no bottom that fit and of course the bottom that fit and no top that fit. The bottoms were pretty skimpy and the tops had underwire support. Who in the world wants that when you are swimming? They were not made for the mature feisty woman, that’s for sure. Even with their myriad of colors, I could not find to the pieces that fit me. These suits were back on the rack pretty quickly, as well.

Bikinis were out of the question for sure. They were so teeny that all that I could think of was the “Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellowed polka-dotted”… well you remember the rest of the song. I never wore these as a teenager and I was certainly not wearing one now, even though I know of some women who wear them and are really not equipped for the suit. Oh dear.

After nearly giving up hope, I stumbled upon the new tankini style. The long top complete with a required wild design covered up and stretched over my abdomen. The pants underneath were black and “slimmed” me down. Maybe I had finally found my suit style. Some of these suits, however, had stays in the sides of all places that squished my boobs into actually giving me cleavage. It was so uncomfortable that I had to hold me breath as I put on the suit. That one went back on the rack.

But after about two hours, I did find a tankini that actually fit me pretty well. No underwire, or stays, or skimpy pants but a suit that covered up my belly and made me look reasonably slim.  The price was reasonable so I snatched that suit up right away. My coupons saved me a bundle. (Never ever shop without those coupons ladies).

As I walked out of the store, tired, exhausted, and just rolling my eyes, I wondered what goofball truly designed these suits. No one that I know would wear any of them, even on a beach in Europe. The suits were mostly uncomfortable, unflattering, and did not fit me at all; other women probably have felt the same.

So in addition to my book, candles, bookmarks, stickers, and candy, I vow to create some feisty lady swimsuits to sell at wellness fairs and craft shows next year. (I know a few FIT grads who might just need the work). Think of all of the bathing suits and books, candles, bookmarks, stickers, and of course candy that I could sell. Wow. I could take orders, have the suits made and sent directly to my feisty lady shoppers and customers. It would be a real moneymaker. I will obviously accept all manufacturers coupons to really make it worth your while. 

So let me know if you are interested. Get your book and bookmark, stickers, bathing suit, and candle to truly get your feisty lady going!

New Year's Resolution Update #4

I continue with the New Year’s resolutions, feisty ladies, and the fourth law of karma, The Law of Growth. It says that you should change what is needed in your heart, in your state of mind, and then your life will change, too. Stay positive no matter what. 

How do you know first of all, what needs to be changed? If it makes you happy keep it: if it makes you miserable lose it. Sounds simple but it is true. Your “gut” will help you figure this out. State the problem and sit quietly and listen; meditate on it. . A solution will come soon to you. The solution might be a very easy one. Never overthink but follow what your “gut” tells you to do. If it works for my favorite TV character Leroy Jethro Gibbs of the NCIS fame it will work for you, too. That little voice inside might be just what you have been ignoring but now need to listen to now more than ever. (It took me many years to figure this out). That little voice told me to “run” on my wedding day. I ignored it but 10 years later I was divorced. I should have listened to that voice but I did not want to hurt his feelings. Seems though that he had no problem hurting mine. Trust the “gut” ladies.  It will guide you through the changes in your life that you deep down know need changing.

Stay positive no matter what.  This can sometimes be difficult for me. I really need help to pull off this one. I am hard at work everyday being more optimistic. It is so very difficult when things in our world seem to go from stupid to stupider (that word I invented and take full credit for it). The daily news is often bleak, deplorable, and extremely depressing in content and scope. It seems that another disaster is on the horizon every time that I turn around. Some days I just turn off the news but the problem reappears the next day anyway. So how do I handle this? I contact the nitwits who are responsible for the problems, by phone or email, and give them a strong lecture. The switchboard for Congress must recognize my number by now.

My philosophy is that “if you do not speak up, you had better just shut up. Some people will not know or even care for that matter, that they are on the wrong track if you do not tell them.  Let them know what you think ”. I call daily or write daily to people who need my advice even if they are unaware of their need for my input. It may not matter to them but it does matter to me. I stay positive by advocating for positive change. When I have done all that I can, no matter the outcome, I remain positive because I did something. How about you?

In my quest to be more positive, I have also decided in my life to “Be open to abundance”. Those words really popped out at me as I walked about a recent wellness fair. I was selling my book and the previous day had sold only 3 copies. I was not a happy camper, to say the least. I then visited a Reiki healer who offered crystal healing and the course of things changed the next day. I opened my heart to the abundance I was worthy of and sales boomed. Eight more books and three kindle/nook readers were sold. Do not be so regimented she said and be open to the abundance that you are worthy of. Sure worked for me and it can work for you, too.

So ladies, trust your “gut” for change, help make a “positive change” in the world every day, and “ be open to abundance”. If I can keep these three mantras in my thoughts for this month of the Law of Growth so can you. Feels good for far. 

Happy April to all.