Well, it is that time of year that all feisty women that I know dread: the time to buy a new bathing suit. I can just hear the groans, see the eye rolling, and imagine the collective sighs of many of my feisty friends. We all dread the hunt for a bathing suit.
I started thinking about this early this year, in May. No matter how “good” I had been about my eating habits, I seemed to steadily gain weight around my middle section. I have tried many strategies to avoid weight gain and some are listed below.
- I tried keeping a food journal, which really was a big waste of time and paper. I wrote down everything that I had eaten (no junk food) and I still gained weight. I did not write down all that I had eaten (with junk food) and I lost weight. This makes no sense to me at all so I will go with eating what I want when I want with no food journal anywhere in sight. Good strategy, I think.
- I also thought about increasing my exercise time. I already got out of bed at 5:15 am and biked like crazy in the wee hours of the morning. That was an early enough wake up time for me, so this would not work at all. The early morning hours was the time that I had read was the best time to lose weight so I did this faithfully every morning. This did not work in achieving any weight loss for me either but did put me in a good mood to start my workday. Bad weight loss strategy, but good strategy as I raised my endorphin morning level. I always smiled as I went to work, so that was worth something.
- I decided to skip an occasional meal. Sometimes I was just not hungry so I did not eat at all. This was a bad move. I will unfortunately get hungry at about 3am and then lookout. I ate everything that I could find anywhere so I have abandoned this idea. I now have ice cream for dinner at least one a week and I never skip that meal. This strategy seems to work.
- I also tried to stand up straight and tall and suck it in. Even after trying these strategies, my abdomen area seemed to get bigger. I once had a yoga teacher who advocated taking big deep breaths. He looked like he was holding his big breath and had the biggest belly that I have ever seen…along with some of the weirdest yoga poses that I had ever seen as well. Standing up straight will not hurt but forget the big belly breaths.
So you can imagine that I sort of gave up this whole weight loss thing but with coupons in hand, entered the department store seeking a new suit because my last one lost its stretch because of the chlorine. It just sagged like I do in certain places and looked really awful. Hope springs eternal in the feisty woman seeking a bathing suit.
I wanted to find a snazzy, trendy new bathing suit, so I started out with the one-piece/tank suits. They are called tank suits for their one piece design I thought but in my case the word tank fits to a “t” and because they truly did emphasize the “tank” like area of my physique. My belly area looked enormous. The bigger the size, the bigger my stomach looked. I looked horrible in these suits. I looked like a tank in the tank suit and quickly returned those suits to the rack.
And for the suits with the “slim” feature, forget it. Those that I tried on seemed to be “missing” the slim feature. My stomach would not be slimmed down no matter what.
I wonder who really wears these suits. These suits had so many ruffles, layers of fabric, and stretch in them all in the wrong places for me. The legs were also cut so high in some of these suits that I felt that I would need a bikini wax just to wear the suit. I quickly returned these suits to the rack, too.
So I moved on to the two-piece suits. The tops and the bottoms were a separate purchase so naturally I found a top that fit and no bottom that fit and of course the bottom that fit and no top that fit. The bottoms were pretty skimpy and the tops had underwire support. Who in the world wants that when you are swimming? They were not made for the mature feisty woman, that’s for sure. Even with their myriad of colors, I could not find to the pieces that fit me. These suits were back on the rack pretty quickly, as well.
Bikinis were out of the question for sure. They were so teeny that all that I could think of was the “Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellowed polka-dotted”… well you remember the rest of the song. I never wore these as a teenager and I was certainly not wearing one now, even though I know of some women who wear them and are really not equipped for the suit. Oh dear.
After nearly giving up hope, I stumbled upon the new tankini style. The long top complete with a required wild design covered up and stretched over my abdomen. The pants underneath were black and “slimmed” me down. Maybe I had finally found my suit style. Some of these suits, however, had stays in the sides of all places that squished my boobs into actually giving me cleavage. It was so uncomfortable that I had to hold me breath as I put on the suit. That one went back on the rack.
But after about two hours, I did find a tankini that actually fit me pretty well. No underwire, or stays, or skimpy pants but a suit that covered up my belly and made me look reasonably slim. The price was reasonable so I snatched that suit up right away. My coupons saved me a bundle. (Never ever shop without those coupons ladies).
As I walked out of the store, tired, exhausted, and just rolling my eyes, I wondered what goofball truly designed these suits. No one that I know would wear any of them, even on a beach in Europe. The suits were mostly uncomfortable, unflattering, and did not fit me at all; other women probably have felt the same.
So in addition to my book, candles, bookmarks, stickers, and candy, I vow to create some feisty lady swimsuits to sell at wellness fairs and craft shows next year. (I know a few FIT grads who might just need the work). Think of all of the bathing suits and books, candles, bookmarks, stickers, and of course candy that I could sell. Wow. I could take orders, have the suits made and sent directly to my feisty lady shoppers and customers. It would be a real moneymaker. I will obviously accept all manufacturers coupons to really make it worth your while.
So let me know if you are interested. Get your book and bookmark, stickers, bathing suit, and candle to truly get your feisty lady going!