Do you suffer from ECD (Excessive Compassion Disorder)? I am not talking about ED about which we hear daily commercials and ads to “fix” this problem in men. I am talking about a women’s issue that needs to be “fixed” in many females…. ASAP. ECD is a serious compassion disorder which prevents all Feisty Women from having a loving, caring, kind, nurturing relationship with a man who is committed to making them happy. Women afflicted with this disorder have a partner who only loves himself and cares only about what he needs, not about her at all. Does this sound at all familiar to you?
We women are all very compassionate people. Most women are more compassionate than men so we tend to exercise this right to be compassionate sometimes to the excess. This really sounded like me in my relationship with Mr. Wonderful. I ignored the warning signs, never did enough, and was brought down by someone who was in need of more emotional support than one person could ever give. If this sounds like you and your present relationship, read on feisty ladies. Maybe I can help you avoid the ECD person that I was in my relationship. Maybe I canhelp you move on to a better life without him sooner and not later.
You suffer from ECD if you:
1. see his “potential”, rather than the person that he is right now (You just know that he has the “potential” to be a great guy and you can help him do just that even though you are not a counselor).
2. know that he needs emotional repair himself and that he can be a “better man” if you just help him (You are not qualified to offer the amount of emotional help that this man needs. He needs year and years and years of therapy: you are not his therapist).
3. wind up “rewriting his resume, helping him find a job, providing the constant encouragement” that he needs on so many levels ( You do all that you can do to help him find the ever elusive job, which is out there but only if you find it for him).
4. let him bring you “down” in all areas of your life (He needs your support 24/7. You neglect yourself, your friends, and your family. And when you do manage to see any of these 3 groups of people, he is like a whimpering puppy when you get home).
5. feel like a “failure” because you cannot help him ( He needs to help himself; this is not your job).
Does this sound at all like you? It fit me to a “T”. I was so busy helping him that I forgot all about me. You need to get out of this relationship right now today feisty ladies.
When you realize that it is time to move on, do not “fall” for any of these lines:
1. “I know that I can change for you.” You need to focus on how he is acting right now and realize that he will not change at all, not now, not ever. Move on.
2. “You bring out the best in me”. You know deep down that he is not bringing out the best in you. He is getting a lot from you but you are getting zilch from him. Move on.
3. “I am a really good guy when I am around you”. Please realize that he is not ever going to be the “good guy” that you think that he will be, around you or anyone else. He needs therapy now and you have helped him as much as you can. Move on.
4. “I can be a better person….if you just help me”. Remove the blinders and see him as he really is right now, how he will always be. He will never be a better person, just the same old low life that he is right now. Move on.
5. “I just need you to be there for me. I cannot go on without you”. You should about now be tired of feeling that you are a failure because you can never do enough for him, to help him feel better about himself. He needs to “man up” and do things for himself. Move on.
6. “I can become a great guy…just for you”. You truly know that he cannot change from a so-so guy to a great guy; he will remain so-so forever, no matter what. Do you really want to have a “so-so” guy in your life? Move on.
7. “I cannot not be your equal partner until I get my life sorted out”. Apparently, he is still working on himself and not your relationship. He is still number one and this will never change. Move on.
So Feisty Women, be compassionate at the right time and in the right situation with a guy who is emotionally stable, always there for you, wants the best for you, adores you, and brings out the best in you. Your Ex-Mr. Wonderful needs more therapy and help than you can ever offer. Cut him loose ASAP. You deserve a better man in your life. You know this deep down. Just move on and you will be so much happier!